Not your ‘normal’ courier man

Well, this week’s exchange with courier world completely passed me by, but offered a real head-turning experience to my husband! Let me explain ….

The summer holidays are upon us so, in a temporary respite from the on-going joys of secondary classrooms, Himself and Myself are at home! In anticipation of being ‘around’ this week, I had arranged the delivery of required necessities for a project of the spend-now-to-save-later-kind, of which I am becoming an expert and my husband becoming a despairing onlooker. So, the expected parcel arrived with all due ceremony but with this week’s difference being that I did not have to rush to the front door and try to save the poor innocent courier man from the very enthusiastic (not to mention very forward) advances of our dog, but was able instead to detain her in the kitchen whilst my husband answered the door. After a few moments came the sound of the front door closing and Himself appeared in the kitchen, hoicking his trousers in a manly fashion and with a strange look on his face.

“Well” he exclaimed “that was unexpected!”

I began my usual defence about the necessity of parcel items but he waved away my argument.

“Not that,” I’m sure he rolled his eyes at this point. “That courier….he wasn’t a normal courier man.”

Now, that’s interesting – I’m sure between us at Find My Courier we could (and should) write a checklist on what is involved in being a ‘normal’ courier – is there a type, as clearly some clarification is in order? Anyway …

“He was wearing one of those …. you know…. a yellow one …” he made a strange gesture around his arm pits.
“High vis vest?” I offered helpfully.
“Well, no …. not high-vis but it was a vest, you know, with no sleeves, so lots of bits were high-vis, not the vest, his body … he clearly wanted to show off his tan and his muscles, and he clearly wasn’t expecting me to answer the door. He was dressed like a Chippendale.”

My eyes popped. “As in American, stripper type or old, wooden armoire type?” Clarification was everything at this point, what with the mental image I was building and all.
“All vest and body and smiles, you know …. all, all … swarthy.”

Swarthy! Here is Himself describing Courier-man in the manner of a Jackie Collins bodice ripper, I don’t know who was more surprised, myself or the dog but I do know that by this time she and I were both kicking ourselves (and she was definitely kicking me) for having missed this.

“And do you know what he said?” Again trouser hoicking, clearly his umbridge was bristling. Such body language made it very difficult to hazard a polite guess, it appeared that along with the package, some kind of green eyed monster had been delivered, and asking the question implied that ‘not the normal courier man’ could not have conversed along the standard “I need a signature here, guv” lines, but perhaps the more swarthy approach of: “stand aside, buffoon, I have a special package for the lady of the house.”

I shook my head mutely, I think I may have been pondering the latter.

“He said …” Himself drew to his full height with rising indignation. “It’s heavy … can you manage it?”

I was still mute, largely because I was biting my tongue and both lips to prevent myself from laughing out loud. I think I managed “and …?” to show encouragement.

“So, of course I managed – it’s in the hall and it’s a big one.”

I gave suitable thanks to soothe the ruffled ego whilst Himself waxed further lyrical about the Chippendale of Courier-world, in terms of description that old Jackie would blush before using until, finally, the moment passed. I thanked him quietly again for his help.

“That’s ok. Don’t try to pick it up, if you want it moved give me a shout …. I’m just going to get on up the garden now.” He paused at the back door, dog now at his side, as if her loyalties had never been tempted elsewhere. “By the way, do we have any liniment; I think I might have pulled something?”

As ever, I’d be glad to know your thoughts about the courier-type issues raised in this further true life event – yes, this really is my life! In particular about the ‘normalities’ of Courier-world and interpretations of a ‘high vis’ dress code – I’d love to know!

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